Have you seen a post telling you how to make friends in your new city? Probably. They’re a dime a dozen.
Most of those posts are mediocre/boring/just-like-every-single-other-one on the subject (although there are occasional gems that are just really good).
Do you want to know what I haven’t seen?
A post telling me how to make new friends right where I’m at.
That’s a whole nother monster.
When you’ve lived in one city for too long, the introvert tendencies start to come out. You curl up in a ball at home after work instead of seeking out friends. When you’re in a new place, “making new friends” sounds like a great idea! How else are you going to get to know the city? And how else are you going to keep yourself from getting super lonely?
But when you’ve lived in a city for a while and still don’t have friends, you can lose your motivation. You know the local haunts, you have a job, maybe a church… and you can start to despair about making friends, and decide you don’t think it’s worth it.
I’m here to help you.
You probably already know that you need friends. (I hope you do.) I’m not here to convince you of that.
I’m going to convince you that you can make friends right where you are today.
New people aren’t as hard to find as you think.
So here’s how to make new friends in your current city.
Tip 1: Ask your local barista out for a coffee.
We all have our haunts. Everyone has that coffee shop that they go to three times a week, hiding in the corner on their computer with headphones on. (Nothing wrong with that person, by the way. I’m one of them.) But talk to your barista about hanging out. You’ve been going to this place plenty of times. They know your face, and probably even know your name at this point. If you’ve hit it off in the slightest with any of them, had a pleasant conversation on any level — jeez, if any of them are pleased to see you, ask them out for coffee. Or a beer. Or whatever it is you do.
Tip 2: Ask out the cute guy from that other department.
I don’t mean it has to be a date. But if there’s a guy — or a girl — in another department that you think is cute and interesting, ask them out for a drink. This can be scary, but honestly, most people don’t mind and a lot are flattered. If you think someone seems cool, strike up a conversation with them. See if you have anything in common and if you can carry on a decent conversation with them. If you have the least bit of a good time, ask them out for coffee to continue your conversation later. I’ve found that perfect strangers typically enjoy having someone new who is pleasantly interested in them to talk to. You never know. You might’ve just met your new best friend.
Tip 3: Get involved in a community project at your church, school or work.
A lot of places have volunteer opportunities. If you regularly attend a church, school or have a job, chances are you can find someone helping out the community in some way. It’s not that hard and it’s fun. Volunteering brings people together in a very interesting way and puts you in a perfect position to make a new friend. Engage with the team and seek out someone, in particular, to get to know. You’re working together on something, so you can at least start out the conversation with that. Plus, it’s sometimes a lot easier to carry on a conversation with a new friend when you’re both doing something rather than sitting somewhere and staring at each other.
So there you have it: Three ways to have new friends. I’m about to try out one of these this upcoming week, and I’m dang excited.
Let me know if you try one and how it goes!