Are you someone who avoids conflict? Are you someone who doesn’t like to rock the boat? Maybe you want to address a problem, but you’re not sure how. (I have a post for you on Feb. 1st). Maybe you’re scared of how this person will react, so you’ve decided you’re not going to address it.
That’s a problem.
You need to address the conflict.
You need to tell someone when you have a problem with them.
But why? You say.
Because it won’t work out on its own.
Unfortunately, without communication, there’s a severe lack of, well, communication. If someone doesn’t know you have a problem with them, they won’t know. They might figure something out if you’re being passive-aggressive about it but that will just make them frustrated (or they’ll ignore it like you’re ignoring the conflict and assume you’ll figure out your problem). Both of these situations lead to the next two…
Because you’re likely to get passive-aggressive and cause confusion and frustration.
When someone can’t read your mind and figure you out, what reaction tends to happen? You tend to get passive-aggressive. You hope they’ll read in between the lines and figure out what you’re not saying. And then when they don’t, you can’t believe it, and yell and scream that they don’t know you at all.
No. That’s not the issue.
The issue is you. The issue is you’re not speaking to them. The issue is you’re not being honest. You need to be more honest with the people you love.
Because it won’t go away.
You walk by a kid being beaten up. What’s going to happen? They might stop while you walk by, but as soon as you’re out of sight, they’ll start again.
If you see a problem, looking away won’t make it stop. When you’re not looking at conflict, that’s when it flares up again, festering like a fresh wound.
The only way to get it fixed is to treat it, not let it go on. That leads to infection. And you know where infection can lead, don’t you?
Because the person deserves it.
Others deserve respect. Passive-aggression is a personal offense to anyone you do it against. Blaming someone else for your problems and not taking responsibility is tearing them down as a person. Ignoring a problem, making it be a bigger deal than it is just because you’re frustrated, that’s unfair. That’s unjust. And it leads to nothing but hurt relationships.
Other people are human beings. They have feelings, thoughts, emotions and their own unique path. Don’t mess with that. Help it grow, by addressing conflict instead of ignoring it.
Because you deserve it.
Don’t you want respect? Don’t you want love? Don’t you want people to understand you?
You can’t have any of these things if you’re not willing to address the conflict. How can you expect someone to want to be around you if they’re always frustrated by what you’re not saying? Believe me, others pick up on subtle hints way more than you think. Others can read more than you think (though not as much as you expect).
You don’t deserve that. You deserve to have good friends, real relationships. But you have to pull your own weight. And sometimes that means you have to address the conflict when no one else will.
Because you do deserve it and the relationship is worth it.
Because communication is always better than silence.
Do you want to look back on your life a couple of years from now and think, “If only I’d told him the problem, this would’ve been solved already”? Do you want to assume you know the person and be hurt by what you think they think, instead of how they really feel?
There’s a movie I watched called Love, Rosie. I’m going to spoil it for you.
Basically, the whole conflict of the movie centers around the fact that the main guy character has feelings for the main girl character. He doesn’t tell her for years. Why? Because he assumes she doesn’t have feelings for him based on a comment made in high school. High school. So these two characters go through a couple of marriages, kids and various other life-trials before finally discovering that they love each other once they’re in their thirties or forties.
The whole conflict of the story could have literally been solved by one conversation.
You need to know the truth. Don’t assume. If someone hasn’t told you something, there’s a chance you have the wrong idea. There’s always that chance. Unless someone says it in black and white, you don’t really know. So communicate about it.
Address the conflict is always worth it. It takes time, effort and emotional vulnerability.
But it will always be better than if you just ignored it.
Are you willing to do that?